We’re all familiar with the three R’s as it relates to learning- reading, ’riting and ’arithmetic. But have you heard about the three R’s for parents? Dr. Rachel Bryant, a licensed psychologist, has identified three R’s that she says are the foundation for successful parenting. They are: rest, reflect and refuel.
Rest
In order for parents to function at their best they must not shortchange themselves when it comes to getting enough sleep. Most of us get far fewer than the recommended eight hours of sleep a night. I know personally I average about 5 hours most nights. I rationalize that I have to work long hours in order to continue working from home but the truth is sleep deprivation robs us of our creativity and sharpness of mind. Physically we also suffer. When I feel run down I will cut back on my work hours until I feel rested but how many parents deprive themselves daily of enough sleep and never taper off?
Reflect
As busy parents we often don’t have the time to reflect on what we are actually doing in our lives. We run our kids to this practice or that lesson. We shop for groceries, cook dinner, do the laundry and run other errands. But how often do we take the time to reflect on our decisions and our goals for our children? Dr. Bryant points out that being a healthy individual and having healthy relationships require that we take time to reflect and think about the important things in our lives. Some questions we might want to reflect on include:
How am I living my life?
How have I really been feeling lately?
Do I have the same goals today as I did 5, ten or twenty years ago?
Our time of reflection should be private and uninterrupted time. And I know that as a parent it’s sometimes hard to find any private alone time but it’s vitally important that we do so.
Refuel
The last R is refuel. Just like a car needs fuel to operate, we need fuel for energy to make it each day. Now, we can get fuel from rest and from a proper diet but what we really need is to do something just for ourselves sometimes. We get depleted and end up running on empty. And when this happens we’re no good to anyone. Some things we can do to refuel include:
Visiting with friends
Reading for pleasure
Exercising
Crafts
And anything else that gives us pleasure. But again, it should be something that we do that’s just for us–a non-parenting activity. If we don’t take the time to refuel then we end up getting sick, feeling depressed and snapping at our kids.
Dr. Bryant’s suggestion for a New Year’s resolution for parents is that we rest, reflect and refuel ourselves first. In doing so we will become better parents to our kids.
See also:
Parents Do You Suffer From Routine Panic?
Helicopter Parents: Are They Going Too Far?
Seven Keys of Successful Parenting