I try not to get into situations with my kids where I am justifying a parenting decision I have made. It inevitably ends up in an argument or a power struggle. This does not mean that I do not offer explanations and reasons for decisions or choices or rules, but there is a difference between offering an explanation, and trying to justify what you have done or are doing.
An explanation might go something like this: “I need you to finish your homework early tonight because we are having company for dinner.” A simple explanation can also accompany a disciplinary response: “You are restricted for the next week because you missed curfew last night.” See how simple and direct the statements can be? Of course, you can imagine that there will be an argument or negotiating or even a slamming door or what have you from the average child. We parents are used to this and know what might be on the other end of our setting a limit.
A justification, on the other hand can have less authority. Often a justification comes off more like an excuse or an attempt to validate ourselves and our decisions: “Well, if you hadn’t come in late last night then I would not have to restrict you. You’re trying to make me into the bad guy here!” Can you see the difference? A simple direct consequence and explanation without all the blame, value judgments and justification gives a parent much more authority and leaves less room for ambiguous wiggle or power struggles. Sure, our kids are not going to like every explanation we give them or every limit we set, but we do not have to justify our reasonable decisions, responses and choices as the parent. In fact, the less justifying we do, the better.
Also: Finding a Mix between Warmth and Firmness
Make it Easy for Children to Obey