As much as I would like to think that I am perpetually right or that my perspective is correct, I also know that things look different depending on what side of the fence a person is standing on. For single parent families, it seems we can be so tempted to draw a line in the sand and assume that our side is “right” while the other side is “wrong.” Alas, there are usual multiple sides to every story—and as many “sides” as there are individuals involved.
It is not always easy for me to remain neutral when it comes to the divisions and differences in my family scene as a divorced, single mom. As a matter of truth and fact, it is actually seldom or never easy. I really do know that my opinions are skewed by my perspective, and in my version I am generally the heroine. I really do understand that if I was looking at things from my ex spouse’s point of view, or his new partner, or even his best buddies, I would most likely see me as someone other than the grand heroine that I am in my version!
Part of what can make families so dynamic is that we all have a different story and we all have different heroines, heroes and villains in our stories. Even our children may feel a tug and pull to choose sides or switch alliances. The more neutral we can remain and the more accepting we can be of other perspectives, stories, and versions—the less pressure and stress we are putting on our kids (and on ourselves too). Somehow, many of us single parents have to find a way to share and be tolerant, as well as accept new people into our family clan—this is easier if we allow for different stories and different ways of doing things. As long as we are all trying to keep the welfare of the children primary.
Also: Integrating Someone New into Family Rituals
When They Say They Want to Live with the Other Parent