Lately the little nursery rhyme “Ten in the Bed” keeps coming to mind. Every night it seems, “There were two in the bed and the little one said ‘Roll over, roll over!’ So they all rolled over and one fell out!” Almost every night this week Logan has ended up in Mommy’s bed and inevitably Mommy ends up falling on the floor! At first it was just nightmares, but after the first few nights he realized how much he liked sleeping in Mommy’s bed. He did this when my ex and I first separated too. He was afraid of losing me and so he clung to me even in his sleep.
When my parents split up when I was seven I went through the same thing. I started sleeping in my mother’s bed. Just having her next to me comforted me and I was able to sleep soundly again. This continued on for several years. I was eleven years old before I started sleeping in my own bed again. My mother was about to remarry and they knew that I needed to be in my own bed before the wedding for obvious reasons. It was a struggle. I had been sleeping in her bed with her for four years. I went through some major separation anxiety for several months.
Now that I have found Logan sleeping in my bed every night again I’ve wondered what is the best thing to do. I want him to feel comfort and security and to know that I am still there for him, but we both know he can’t sleep in my bed forever. If I try sleeping in his bed he follows me. If I try the couch he follows me there too. He wants to feel the warmth of me close to him. It seems he has a sixth sense for whenever I move. It has become quite the predicament. But how and when to break the habit has become a great challenge.
As a newly divorced single mother I liked having the company. I was still getting used to sleeping alone and having him there comforted me as much as it did him. Now that several months have passed I know it is time to get him back in his own bed. He can’t keep me with him forever. He is going to have to learn some independence. It is going to be a struggle, but in the end I know how strong he is. He will make it through and learn some valuable lessons along the way.