Emotionally development and evolution can be quite different from other developmental stages. As single parents, we may be looking at those developmental stages and charts and measuring our children against them without taking into account that crisis and some of the things they have been through might have created some emotional challenges that require attention. They may be chronologically old enough, but emotionally, they just are not ready…
This emotional development can go both ways, too. I have found that my children can often seem emotionally mature beyond their chronological age and I am sure it is because of some of the things they have been through. Surely you have known people who have been through the death of a loved one, or some other emotionally-stretching life changes and they have seemed wise and emotionally “grown up” because of all the processing they have done? As our kids grow and cope, they too can be emotionally “grown up” and it might not match their chronological age.
I think it takes patience, love, and caring attention to help our children through the task of emotionally healing. As parents, this is often tough—we are putting so much of our energy into getting through the ordinary daily tasks and challenges. Sometimes we just wish our children would “buck up” and get with the program! Allowing for the emotional process means that we must have faith in that process and trust that tending to the emotions of our children is as important as anything else we might need to do. Some children are extraordinarily resilient and can bounce back from things—while others take much more time to work through heavy emotions. If allowed to process and work through things, children will move on to the next developmental stage when they are ready.
Also: Keep an Eye Out for Possible Problems
Controversy Over What is a Healthy Family