If only we could all balance each other out in a family—only one person getting to be moody and crabby at a time! Unfortunately, what usually happens is that crabbiness and moodiness travels as fast as the stomach flu or a cold within a family household. One person barks at another and soon everyone is in a grumpy mood. As parents, we may have to work on how to detach or at least not let ourselves get swept up in the crabbiness of our kids.
We are, after all, only human. When a person gets grumpy at us, it is hard not to get grumpy right back. I think this can be one of the biggest challenges of every day parenting: how to NOT get wrapped up in our children’s emotions. Additionally, if there is an illness or sleep deprivation going on with the child, there is a darn good chance that mom and/or dad is experiencing the same thing. This can be a recipe for disaster or at least a very unpleasant exchange.
I can offer some simple advice to take a break and gain perspective but that is much easier said than done. What I have learned is that it takes practice to be able to detach when one or more of my kids are crabby and I do not always do this perfectly. I’ve learned a few key phrases, however, that I can pull out of my back pocket to use to keep from getting sucked in: “I’m sorry you are having a hard time” works well. I try to refrain from labeling it a “bad day” because that comes across as judgment and often the child will get defensive. A simple “Hmmm” or “Oh” can be a way to acknowledge what they have said without getting triggered. I have also learned that shaking things up can save my sanity and potentially help them change gears—sing a song, offer some ice cream, tell a funny story of something that happened to you. Instead of giving in to the grumpiness, a little creative diversion can go a long way.
In the end, it may be that you just need a break from a truly crabby child in order to keep from getting crabby yourself. You might also consider taking a nap together or lying down and watching a movie or TV program. Sometimes just a little nurturing and self-care can help to shift moods too.