 Makala after her first day of school. |
When most children start school, the idea of having any “other parents” in their lives is something the average child has never thought about. For children who grow up in biological families with the same parents since birth the topic of adoption may never be mentioned. Some of these children may have adopted a pet and understand adoption as something slightly different then that of a child being adopted. When these children meet adopted children, and especially an adopted child who remembers being adopted, it can create a tense and confusing situation for all the children in the classroom.
It can be an emotionally stressful situation for children who are not adopted to suddenly learn about adoption from a classmate. It can also be a very rough and painful experience for an adopted child. My little girl started Kindergarten nine months after I become her mother. For her it was very real and normal to have a birthmother, foster parents and a forever family. These events in her life and memory did upset several other five year olds who were not ready to hear my daughter’s story or play scenarios.
Here are some suggestions for the kinds of information every parent and teacher may want to tell children clearly about adoption:
- Adoption helps children who need families, and families who want to adopt children.
- Adoptive families are real and last forever.
- Adoption is needed because some adults cannot parent, it is NEVER because a child is bad.
- Many adults place their children with adoptive parents because they want them to have a better home then they are able to give them at the time.
- Adopted people grow up and become successful just like anyone else can.
- There are millions and millions of adopted people in the United States.
- Every adopted person has a different adoption story and that story is private. Some children will like to share their story and other children will not.
- Adopted children join their families in a different way, but being in a family is the same for all children.
- Adopted children are Loved by their parents just like all children.
- Adoption is a difference, but it is not important when it comes to who your friends are.
- Adopted children may be born in the United States or in a different country.
- Adopted children from a different country become American citizens when they are adopted.
- Adopted kids are just the same as you are they just have a birth family and a growing up family.
Not many parents send their child to school thinking this topic will be a big issue. In most cases, it won’t be, but it is important for teachers and parents to realize adoption is a major part of many children’s lives. Adoption is a topic families should consider discussing with their school aged child. It is especially important for those children who have classmates who have experienced foster care.
Many adopted foster children will have a story of abuse, neglect and forced removal from their biological family. These stories may effect the average child and cause them to be afraid they will be taken into foster care as well. Many parents may not even understand where the feelings come from. Talking with all children about adoption is an important thing to do.
Special Needs and Adoption-Related Terms:
A | B | C | D | E-F | G-H-I | J-K-L | M | N-O | P | Q-R | S | T-U-V-W-X-Y-Z
For more information about parenting special needs children you might want to visit the Families.com Special Needs Blog and the Mental Health Blog. Or visit my personal website.