Imagine you’re a fire fighter, rushing to the scene of a blaze that has just broken out at a residence. You run up onto the scene, and start screaming, “Another fire! I hate fires! Why are there always fires? This is so aggravating!” In the meantime, the kitchen cabinets in the house are now burning more intensely. “I always have to deal with these blazes, and it’s driving me crazy!” you shout. Then you pull from your bag a flask of gasoline, dousing the fire with it. As the flames rage higher, you say, “Quit burning! I mean it! I am not going to tolerate this for another minute!” And now the entire house is engulfed.
Ridiculous, right? Well, if we parent children with behavioral disorders, we might find ourselves in the position of dealing with mini explosions, flared tempers, and heated exchanges. So we should carefully consider whether we just might be inflaming the situation with our own anger and frustration, rather than diffusing it. Are we approaching our child’s meltdown with hostility and complaints? Are we adding fuel to the fire? By redirecting our attention to fire prevention, rather than fire fighting, we can help make things cool down a whole lot quicker.
“Fire” Prevention Tips
- Use distraction. Distracting your child can work almost like magic. Let’s say your son is screaming over his sister getting to choose the television program they watch. Rather than shout for him to “calm down, it’s her turn,” offer an unexpected distraction. “Should we have a banana for a snack, or crackers?” Often the outburst is decreased because the child is thrown into a whole new situation, distracted by both the food and the choice. I’ve personally seen distraction work wonders with children of every level of cognitive ability. Even children with no speech whatsoever can be calmed down with a distraction technique. The kid is throwing a tantrum over using a tricycle, and the caregiver begins blowing bubbles on the other side of the room. Suddenly the child forgets what she was upset about and runs toward the bubbles. Try the technique at home with your own son or daughter, the next time there’s a meltdown. Say, “Look what I’ve got!” or “Hey, what’s that outside?” and offer an interesting distraction. There. Fire extinguished.
- Prepare the child for transitions. Since these kids have a hard time disengaging from one activity and beginning another, give ample notice for an approaching switch. “In fifteen minutes, we’re going to the store.” “Five more minutes until we leave for the store.” You could also use a transition board to ready your son or daughter for the various changing activities of the day.
- Avoid “hot spots.” If your son or daughter has particular times of the day where he or she is more irritable, or places or situations that cause anxiety or sensory-overload, tread carefully. Plan quiet activities during those times, and schedule your stressful errands when school is in session, or when a babysitter is with your child. Watch for the early signs of stress your child manifests. Is there a particular expression on his face, or clenched fists, or a vocalization that can tip you off to a potential tantrum on the horizon? Douse the fire before it rages by redirecting your child to a less-inflammatory activity.
- Speak calmly, and model self-control. Your child looks to you as an example. Demonstrate that you’ve got your emotions under control, and your child will be more likely to follow your lead. If you’re losing your cool during your child’s meltdown, you’re reinforcing the heat.
Kristyn Crow is the author of this blog. Visit her website by clicking here. Some links on this blog may have been generated by outside sources are not necessarily endorsed by Kristyn Crow.
