Perhaps the most frustrating thing we’ve had to deal with regarding our special needs children, who were adopted, is getting them diagnosed so we can get them the help they need. Parents who have biological children often have trouble obtaining a diagnosis when they need it as well. The difference is that a biological parent often has a family medical history. Chances are too a person who has custody of their biological child is less likely to have abused illegal drugs during their pregnancy.
In considering where our children’s concerning behaviors come from, there were some things we needed to look at.
- How much of our sons’ behaviors are normal? There are children who are strong willed by nature, for example. This should not automatically be considered a problem. The child may need a more creative way of being parented.
- How much of an impact did our boys’placement have on them? Our older son was placed at just a hair over a year old. He had no transition time at all. As a result he seems to have control issues and anxiety over other transitioning in his life (school, new people, doctors, activities…). Some children who’ve been adopted have clear memories of their time with their birth parents or foster families.
- How much, if any, prenatal care did our boys’ birth moms have? I know both birth moms probably didn’t have access to consistent healthy meals or doctors. I’m not sure that either of them was taking prenatal vitamins as well.
- What kinds of illegal drugs were being consumed? How much and during which stage of the pregnancy? It’s not wise to assume just because a person is a methamphetamine addict that they don’t drink alcohol or use other drugs. Many of these drugs have similar affects on the developing babies; alcohol especially can have some pretty distinct effects though.
- What do we know about the genetic history? The state made efforts to gather family medical history on our children. I was fortunate enough to go digging and find much more out on my own. Many times, children are removed due to a parent’s mental condition that may or may not be a result of drug abuse. Often these parents have used illegal drugs to self medicate existing mental illnesses.
- What were the living conditions of the birth mother? Many kids are born to women who were emotionally and physically abused during their pregnancy. I know of birth mothers having been hit in the stomach with their baby inside. This trauma can have lasting effects on the child too.
It is very frustrating seeking out help from a professional when even they don’t have answers for you. It seems too easy for some people to just blame the child’s behavior or delays on their drug exposure. Each child is so unique that unlike many childhood diagnoses, when there is neurological damage done, there isn’t usually an easy fix.
Sometimes a parent can do everything right and still have a special needs child. When we have a better understanding of the root of the problems, sometimes it’s easier to find a path to treatment. Nature and nurture come together in child development making it very difficult to get the right answers sometimes. We know that it’s likely; because of our sons’ histories, that some neurological damage has taken place. Our hope is with a loving, patient environment, proper advocacy and services, our children have a great chance of continuing to be healthy productive individuals.
Please check out my related blog: You Are Your Child’s Advocate.
For more information on special needs please visit the Special Needs Blogs.
Melissa is a Families.com Christian Blogger. Read her blogs at: http://members.families.com/mj7/blog