The scandal of New York’s Governor Eliot Spitzer makes perfect fodder for the Marriage blog, doesn’t it? There’s so much to contemplate, so many dynamics to consider.
Standing by a Man Who’s Done Them Wrong
In a previous article I wrote how I watched Dina Matos on Today talk about her experience being in the same shoes as Eliot Spitzer’s wife, Silda, found herself in recently. In Matos’s case, she stood by her husband’s side when he admitted to having sexual relations with another man.
There’s no telling why Silda chose to stand by her husband. They’ve been married over 20 years so there’s a lot of commitment there. In my opinion, she looked devastated. Maybe she’s still in denial. Maybe she was aware her husband engaged in sexual activities with prostitutes and just figured he’d never get caught. Or maybe, as Matos was when her husband admitted his affair, Silda was completely blindsided by it all. Not knowing what else to do she did the only thing that seemed right: stand by his side.
Or maybe, as Matos did, she did it for her daughters.
I thought that was interesting in Matos’s interview. Even though she’d been betrayed, she had the grace of mind to think about her daughter’s relationship in years to come with her father. She didn’t want her to suffer anymore than she had to, and by showing support for him it was one way to bring normalcy to their lives which had just been irreversibly turned upside down.
The Case of Hilary
Another wife who found herself in such a mess was Hilary when Bill got busted over Monica.
Why didn’t I group her with the above?
She’s in a class all by herself. (Well, maybe she’s not entirely alone. There are other wives like her, but they’re rare.)
As Matt Lauer alluded to in his interview with Dina Matos, some wives stand by their men because their husband’s careers define them as well. Hilary falls into this group. Sort of. Most of those wives like the fringe benefits (power, parties, high profile people) that come along with those lifestyles.
Hilary’s got her own agenda, though. I think her marriage has always been one of convenience –meaning it was convenient for her to turn the other cheek and let Bill do what he wanted with other women as long as it didn’t interfere with what she wanted to do. Which was become a politician in her own right.
She’s been a political mover and shaker in some fashion most of her life. Bill has always been more an asset than a detriment. They both seem to know they can accomplish more together than apart, so…she stands by her man.
What Becomes of Them?
Matos and her husband divorced. Naturally. No sense staying together when it was clear he was ready to live life as a gay man –and could now that his secret was out. Being an attractive woman, it was only fair Matos should have a chance to find love too.
Hilary and Bill are still together and going strong.
What will happen with Eliot and Silda? Only time will tell.
Courtney Mroch writes about animals great and small in Pets and the harmony and strife that encompasses married life in Marriage. For a full listing of her articles click here.
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