It’s often interesting to ask the question, ‘Why did you get married?’ In these days when so many couples live together without being married, you might well wonder, then why get married at all?
According to Andre Cherlin, Sociologist at John Hopkins University,’getting married is a way to show family and friends that you have a successful personal life. It’s like the ultimate merit badge.’
For many people it’s a case of ticking all the boxes. Recently a young woman I know would not go back to a school reunion because, in her own eyes, she was a failure and had not achieved anything in her life. That she is a warm, caring and generous individual counted for nothing. She knew she would be judged and found wanting by others because she was not married or in a good relationship, did not have an established and successful career and had not bought a house. To many in the world these are, not necessarily in order, the elements of success. These are the boxes you have to tick. Then when you ticked all those boxes, the next is having a child.
Recently another young woman who was pregnant was asked how soon she was she going back to work after the baby. When she replied she wasn’t, as she was going to stay home and look after the baby, the others in the group looked at her askance. To them having a baby was just one thing in the next lot of boxes to tick.
To turn the situation on its head the young woman who planned on staying home asked one of the other women why she was planning on going back to work so soon. ‘My job is who I am,’ she said.
It was just that getting married and having a child were the next boxes to tick in the list.
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