After a divorce it’s hard to know where to start. For me, I felt like I didn’t even know who I was, for so many years I was Steve’s wife that I wasn’t sure what my identity was with him. I used to say to my friends, only half jokingly, I have no idea what I even like anymore! Years of being married and compromising causes our personal likes and dislikes to blur at the edges, we are half of a marriage so we do the things that everyone likes.
When you get a divorce you have to figure out what you like again, what you want out of life. At first we all just struggle to get through each day as a single parent, it’s usually harder than we ever imagined, but once you are past the grief of the divorce it’s time to move on.
I’m not necessarily talking about dating, although that’s part of it, now you get to choose what you want to do with your free time, limited though it may be. What are your interests? What would you like to do? Take a class? Go hiking? Read more? Now is the time, not really to reinvent yourself, you can if you want, but to find out who you are and what kinds of things make you happy.
I think even before dating you should take some time to rediscover yourself. Take up yoga, take a cooking class, make new friends, find a new hobby, anything that you can do, for you, that makes you happy. I know it’s hard to find time to do something for yourself when you are working and taking care of the kids, but it’s important.
If you don’t take time for yourself, to recharge your batteries, you are not giving your child the best of you. If your entire life is consumed with obligations you will be stressed, run down, and have very little joy. Take an hour a week, more if you can, and do something for you, something that brings peace to your otherwise chaotic day. Your children will be glad you did.