After my divorce I swore off men. I was never going to get married again. In my mind they were all the same. My ex husband wasn’t the first run in with trouble. There have been very few good men in my life and a handful of pretty nasty ones. After a while I just started to expect it. In my mind men were emotionless. They were insensitive. They were manipulative. They were selfish. They were heartless. Not just some of them…all of them. Any time a good guy would walk into my life I’d start to prepare myself for the worst. If it didn’t come, I’d look harder. I’d start to sabotage things because I was living in fear. I had been hurt so many times in the past that I was afraid to ever let myself be vulnerable with a man again. I started building up walls that no one could get through. My heart wanted so badly to be able to live my childhood dream of being married and having a little family, but my head refused to give in. As much as I wanted to be married again I couldn’t bare the thought of being hurt again. I pushed everyone out and continued to build my walls.
“If you live in fear of the future because of what happened in your past, you’ll end up losing what you have in the present.” I read this tonight on a friend’s Facebook page and realized how desperately I needed to let go of my fears. Those fears are keeping me from moving on. They are keeping me from finding the happiness that I’ve always dreamed of. They are keeping me stuck. Nobody should live in fear. It’s time to let it go and find that happiness I’ve been looking for.