When holidays become nightmares instead of joyous occasions, it’s time to do something different. It takes effort and everyone has to be willing to compromise. Now, some people might stop me there and say, “You don’t know my ex or her (his) parents!”
No, I don’t know them, but I know what I had to deal with in the past, and it wasn’t pretty. Even if your ex and his or her family are difficult, you can find ways to make things go more smoothly. I hope some of these tips will prove helpful.
Put the Kids First
If all the adults will stop and remember that it’s really about the kids and what is best for them, if they can put the kids first instead of their own wants and needs, everything will work out. Unfortunately, people don’t always realize that they are putting their desires before the children’s interests, assuming that spending time with them is what’s most important. It may take a gentle but firm reminder to get this point across (this is where meeting in a public place comes in handy, as people will hopefully conduct themselves appropriately in public).
Agree to a Truce
If possible, try to create a truce between families. It would actually be much easier if everyone could get along well enough to celebrate together. This would help you avoid chaotic travel plans and increasingly busy schedules. The kids might actually be able to rest, relax, and enjoy instead of rushing through an itinerary. If this is not a possibility, try the following:
Be Willing to Compromise
Nobody really likes to compromise, but it is usually necessary when life gets complicated. Even if your family has always had Thanksgiving or Christmas dinner at noon on that day, you might have to make some changes. Maybe you can have dinner a little later to accommodate your ex-spouse or ex-in laws, or perhaps you can invite them for a celebration on the eve of the holiday. Most people won’t be satisfied with waiting until afterward, so try to work it out for the day before.
*Check back for more tips.
Related: Can You Survive? Stepfamily Holiday Stress