Here are some more tips that I hope will prove helpful:
Talk to Your Kids
It’s important to make sure that your kids don’t feel like they are taking sides, and that they know you will not be angry with them. Ask them how they would like to spend the holidays, and then work to make that happen. This can be a very tough thing to do, especially if your kids decide they’d like to spend the big day with Mom (or Dad) or their other grandparents and spend time with you and your family before or after. However, if you can accept it, it may actually relieve some pressure between all the parties involved and then you can focus on enjoying your children when they are with you.
Yours, Mine, and Ours
If your spouse also has children and/or the two of you have children together, things can really get complicated. Tossing another ex and another set of grandparents into the equation can make things crazy. One idea is to have a less formal celebration where everyone involved gets together with all the kids, if possible. You might just find that it’s easier to get along with the addition of other people. Your spouse’s ex may get along great with your ex-in-laws and become a buffer. Who knows? It’s worth a try. It’s also important to keep all the children in mind, so none feel less important than the other kids, so make sure each child is given a chance to be heard.
Tailor Your Expectations
People in all types of families tend to have big expectations for the holidays. It is important to be realistic and to plan accordingly. If this is not your year to have your kids during the big event, there’s no reason why your celebration can’t be just as great. The date is not really what’s important. It’s the quality of the time you spend together. Try to adjust and to avoid letting the dates interfere with creating wonderful and memorable holiday celebrations with your kids.
Best wishes for you and yours throughout the holiday season!
Related: Tips for Dealing with Stepfamily Holiday Stress I