The labor support person, whether spouse, mother or friend has the most important job in the delivery room. The doctor and nurses aren’t there for most of the time. It will just be the two of you. This is a special time for a couple. Your relationship will change, becoming stronger and deeper after the birth of your child.
The best way to be an effective coach is to educate yourself about the process of labor and birth. Information can be found in books, online articles and in magazines. Read as much as you can before labor starts to be more confident when the big day arrives. Attend childbirth classes with her. Practice breathing and relaxation techniques until they become second nature.
Ask questions of the medical staff during labor. If you don’t understand something or wonder about the necessity of a particular intervention, don’t be afraid to ask. Mom may not be in any shape to question certain procedures. This is where you come in. Advocate for her during labor. Ask for ice chips, water, juice or anything else she needs to be more comfortable.
Be prepared to take charge for her. Keep a copy of the birth plan with you. It’s your responsibility to try to keep the plan on track. If a situation arises, be ready to make decisions. Things can happen to change even the best laid plans. Try to stick to the plan, but realize that it may need to be changed in an emergency.
Pack a bag for yourself for the hospital. Often, couples are so focused on packing for mom and the baby that they forget the coach. You may be there for a long time. Pack a change of clothes, snacks and change for the vending machines. If she plans to labor in water, you may want to bring a bathing suit to get in with her, if needed.
Remain flexible during labor. Some techniques may work well and others won’t. Each woman is different and you won’t know what will really work until labor begins. For example, she may love the back massages during pregnancy and then not want you to touch her during labor. Be ready to give up on one technique and move on to another.
Since you really don’t know what will work in labor, have a variety of comfort measures available for her. Different things may work at different stages of labor, so the better prepared you are, the more effective you will be. Have music, a CD player, massage oil, tennis balls or a back massager for back labor. Offer breathing, relaxation exercises or water, such as the tub or shower to help relieve her pain.
Follow her lead as to what is working or not working for her. Some women will want to be distracted during labor and others tend to focus inward and not want distractions. Be ready for either case. Communicate with each other to determine what she needs you to do at each phase.
Keep track of her contractions while she is laboring at home. Time contractions from the start of one to the start of the next. For example, if the first contraction starts at 5:15 PM and the next at 5:25, then her contractions are ten minutes apart. Also keep track of how long each contraction lasts. The doctor or midwife will want to have this information to determine when it’s time to go to the hospital.
The most important thing you can do is to just be there for her. There may be times when you feel you aren’t helping, but you are. Stay close to her and be ready to do whatever you can to help her through. The two of you will be closer than ever when it’s all over and you are cuddling your new baby.