Yesterday we looked at the situation where your son or daughter falls in love with and marries someone you don’t like. If that is the case what can you do?
Don’t put them in a situation where they have to choose between you and the family or the new love. Invariably they will choose the one they are in love with and you will find yourself not seeing them at all. Is that really what you want? I don’t think so.
Remember that you have something in common. You both love the same person and want what’s best for them. The difference is one is as a parent and the other as a spouse, but surely you both have that person’s best interests at heart.
Try and find something you have in common with the new love. It might be cooking or sport or reading or theatre. If you can’t find anything else in common you still have one thing, that is your love for the same person.
Don’t make negative or snide comments about the other person. It will only cause problems and make things uncomfortable for all concerned.
Of course these suggestions work exactly the same if you are the new love and it is your mother or father in law that you don’t get along with.
Love does not mean trying to be exclusive and keeping your spouse’s attention, so that they never have time with parents. Learn to be gracious. Isn’t it better to be on your good behavior for a few hours to keep your spouse happy, than to have your spouse always conflicted in their loyalties and feeling like they are being torn apart?
Maybe suggest activities where you are doing something, so it doesn’t require you to be always keeping up one end of the conversation or where there are more people around so it is not as difficult to maintain a conversation.
I’d be interested in to hear anyone else’s suggestions of how they handled the situation.
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