Consider this idyllic scene; There you are singing Old MacDonald with your little one the whole way to the grocery store. You get in the store grab a cart and grab your toddler when suddenly you hear the call of the wild. Taken back you realize your toddler is screaming “WALK…WAAAAALLLLK…I WANT TO WALLLKKKKK!” You try to be calm, you try to be firm, you try to look calm, you try to sound like you are not giving in, but nothing is works. This escalates into a full blown tantrum and a full blown frustrated mommy. In my experience, the best defense is a good offense. Instead of singing Old MacDonald on the way to the store you should have been explaining the expectations of grocery store behavior. Consequences for not obeying should also be discussed clearly. If the child is old enough ask her if she understood followed by a few questions. For instance I would tell my toddler that I expected her to sit in the cart. Then I would ask her where she was going to sit. She would respond that she would be sitting in the cart. When the time came she easily sat in the cart.
I have also experienced that explaining clear expectations works well when going to restaurants. To be honest, I have been amazed by how well this method works in preventing tantrums. However, this is not a magical solution on its own. Setting clear boundaries are not complete without clear and swift punishment. A child must see that disobedience is always met with punishment. As you never tire of hearing consistency is key. The best way to avoid a tantrum is to not allow one to begin. Knowing that is not always realistic you need a back up plan. Be prepared to set up clear punishments and always follow through.
While I am not one to feel the need to constantly explain my actions to a child, communication is key. When a child is upset it is important to define the emotion for the child. For example, your toddler is carrying on about being told to leave the park. Instead of living in fear of telling your child it is time to go handle the situation calmly and in an understanding fashion. Tell the child you understand she is upset and would like to stay but it is time to go. Then pick up and go right then and not five minutes from then. It is important to leave when you say it is time to go especially if a tantrum is starting. The child needs to see that a tantrum does not change the course of events. The child also responds better if she knows you understand she is upset and why. You may also want to give your toddler a five minute warning that you are about to leave. She may not understand what five minutes is but she will have her mind set toward wrapping things up.
After having kids myself, my advice is to stay calm, never give in to a tantrum, try to head them off at the pass, and communicate a sense of understanding. Remember toddlers react to situations without the understanding of how embarrassing or frustrating tantrums are to a mommy. Don’t we all want the cookie intact? I know I am cranky when I am tired or hungry so how can I expect a tiny person to have more control than me? Be patient and understanding this phase will soon end as long as you see every tantrum as an opportunity to teach self control.