A colleague of mine is about to become a father. Already, with his wife due any day now, he has a dazed look in his eyes. He has no idea what’s coming! And there’s really no way you can prepare yourself. There are a few things you have to know, if you’re about to become a dad:
The hormones go all over the place. There’s also postpartum stuff as well, and she’ll run the gamut in those first few days. Just ride the waves as they get bumpy.
There are many great things about breastfeeding, the first one being that it helps control the hormonal imbalances. The second is that you’re not pouring formula on your wrist to see if it’s too hot. And if the baby sleeps with you, and your wife gets real good at night-nursing, you’ll sleep very well! The bad news is of course that you won’t likely look at your wife’s breasts the same way again.
As much as you love this little person, you don’t know her. And she won’t recognize you for a while. She bonds with the mother. It’s liable to make you feel a bit left out. If you feel that way, deal with it, and then move forward.
If you’ve found a doula, great for you. Remember, she’s there for the mother. She’s not a maid. Her job is to help your wife get some comfort and rest. This might include preparing meals and taking care of the kitchen, but the doula is not there for your needs.
If you are having any discussions regarding circumcisions: sorry, I have no wisdom for you. We took our midwife’s advice and had girls.
It’s never too early to buy your child a baseball glove.
So what if there isn’t any real Mozart effect? You’re officially a grown-up now! Get some culture! Mozart is truly beautiful and great. There will be plenty of time to play your 8-tracks of Elvis when your kid starts singing.
You might find this CD useful: For Crying Out Loud! It’s a CD of sound effects that are designed to sooth a baby – a vacuum cleaner, rain water and the steady rhythm of windshield wipers, restaurant background noise, things like that. Hopefully one sound effect will work.
If the CD doesn’t work, and you think it’s teething, try chamomilia, a homeopathic remedy for teething. If that doesn’t help, rub a little brandy on their gums! Just a tiny amount, not anything they can swallow. Just a pinch between his cheek and gums!
Set your alarm clock at least fifteen minutes earlier, even thirty minutes earlier. It takes longer to say goodbye before you go to work, and maybe if you’re the first one up you can make breakfast.
Call your parents at some point and tell them you understand why they were nuts: children do that to their parents, like that old bumper sticker says!
I hope you have friends who will bring you food those first few days. That was one of the most important things that helped us when ours came along. Friends and family visited and brought us home-cooked meals. You’re not even thinking about that stuff, and we are grateful to those who gave that way. Of course, you’ll want to do the same for your friends who have children after you. We did. That’s paying it forward.
Call your financial advisor as soon as your little one has a social security number (most places now give you a chance to apply for one on the birth certificate form). You have to start figuring out very quickly how to pay for that kid’s education. It’s not a bad idea to increase your life insurance, too. You’ve suddenly become very important! You’re a dad, and there’s not much else that’s more important for a guy to be.
There’s nothing ever in the world like that first time that little one grabs your finger. There are many, many more transcendent moments to follow, yes, but it’s that moment when you know, “I am a father, and this little life needs me.” All the great hugs you get – when you leave for work, when you come home from work, when you carry them home from school, when they scrape their hands on the concrete, when you take them out for ice cream “just because” – that’s all gravy.