Are you in love with your spouse? Seriously, think about the question and then think about this one: is your spouse in love with you? Now, while you have those questions and answers in your mind, think about these questions: Do you love your spouse? Does your spouse love you?
I would hazard a guess that the answer to the first two questions is no and the second two questions is yes. Now realize, this is very subjective post today because I was thinking about something I heard on television earlier. (Yes, I know, I shouldn’t fall asleep watching television because that means it will be on when I wake up.) Anyway, I woke up in the middle of the night to a couple arguing in some film or show or something.
The argument was about the fact that her lover wasn’t in love with her anymore. He was protesting the fact that he didn’t need to be falling in love – because falling in love is what you do before you love. It’s like being engaged to get married, after you’re married, you aren’t engaged anymore – you are in fact married.
While I may be paraphrasing this particular scene incorrectly, it’s what I remember from it and I found myself agreeing with the husband, in this case. The lover felt that since they weren’t in throes of early passion when everything was new and exciting, then their feelings for each other had faded to something less than what they had been.
Change Does Not Mean Bad
When we fall in love, we are thrilled by a period of discovery. This period discovery does phase into a period of knowing and existing together. Your shared life becomes about shared experiences, both good and bad. Your relationship deepens, changes and becomes more comfortable. For lack of a better metaphor – you may have really loved the shoes when you first got them, but the longer you wore them – the more comfortable they have become. They may not be the best pair you’ve ever owned, but you wouldn’t trade them for a newer, fancier pair because you and these shoes have been through it all together.
Yes, shoes and relationships are two entirely different beasts, but the metaphor works on some levels. After all, we make a vow to love and to cherish until death do us part. We fall in love and then we are in love and finally, we just love. But let’s not diminish the word love. When I hear people say it’s just love – that makes it sound like love is something less.
Love is a wonderful gift. Love is about sharing, committing, overcoming and yes, sometimes just coping from day to day through the hardships, holding hands against the coming storm and staying connected. You don’t have to like someone to love them. In fact, many couples who begin to experience problems with their relationships experience them when their like is suffering, not their love.
I admit, I’ve gone through periods where I didn’t particularly like some things about my husband. But I’ve never stopped loving him. That commitment to love and the fact that I do love has helped us to overcome those days when our like is having an issue. Most of the time though, I do like him – and he seems to like me. We fill all the other spaces in between with our love for each other.
So, back to our first questions, are you in love or do you love your spouse? Are they in love or do they love you? How do you define love in your answer?
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