Sharing is important, right? Well, yes. When you bring some goodies for people at the office or the playgroup, that is important. However, imagine this. You’re at the office and someone brings in a doughnut. It’s one of the doughnuts that is filled with jam. Delicious! You decide that you would really, really like it, so you reach out and grab it from the surprised office worker’s mouth. You get it! Excellent. You start to eat it, when your fellow worker turns around, slaps you, and nabs the doughnut back. You begin to cry. Just then your boss walks in, sees you crying and insists that your fellow worker give the doughnut back. Your office mate protests, saying that he had the doughnut first. Under pain of layoff, he finally relents and gives you most of his doughnut. Victory is yours!
Or perhaps you are the one who is entering the room, this time with a new pen that you’ve scored from a conference. You’re very pleased with your pen. It rolls across the paper just so. You’re showing it off to a colleague, when another colleague enters the room with your boss. He starts to complain about the fact that he doesn’t have any pens like that. Your boss looks at your colleague, who stares at you meaningfully, whispering, “Give him the pen.” But you’re in the middle of an important note, you protest. You’re not ready. Nonetheless, your colleague insists that you give it up and finally apologizes for you, saying that you’re having a hard day. She takes the pen from your hand and gives it to your whining colleague, telling you that you can finish your note after he has had a turn.
Ok, end the twilight zone.
We know that this isn’t going to happen. Why not? Well, first off, you would understand
subtle social cues and say to your colleague, “Hey, why don’t you try my fabulous new
pen!” Or you’d bring enough doughnuts for everyone. Your colleague would also be old
enough and wise enough to know that he would get a chance to try your pen after you’ve
finished writing your note.
Preschoolers aren’t there yet, though. When we take something away from a preschooler
and force our child to share, we interrupt their play. We’re also teaching them that their
needs aren’t important, that someone else’s needs can take precedence over theirs. When
we time sharing, this leads to a sense of urgency, a sense that you need to grab what is
yours and run with it or you will be forced to give it up.
What do we do instead of forced sharing? We take turns, but we take turns so that each
child has an object for as long as she wants. This way, each child knows that she can have
the object until she’s full, and then she’ll give it up willingly.
Do you have thoughts on how to “do” sharing?