Today, in my area, school officially starts. I don’t know who has worse butterflies – myself or my daughter. She woke up at 2:30 this morning and couldn’t sleep. She came in to snuggle with me and she talked about all the things she’s afraid of and nervous about. She’s worried that her teacher won’t like her or that worse, she’s going to be afraid when I leave.
I understand that fear. We all experience that fear whenever we’re ready to take on a new challenge. Without a doubt, starting Kindergarten is starting a new challenge in life. This morning at 3:30 a.m. she asked me if it was okay that she was a little afraid.
Here is my answer:
Being afraid is natural, because it’s new. You’ve never gone to kindergarten before and part of your fear is because you’re excited. You have all these different thoughts in your head. You know what you want it to be like. You know what you think it might be like. You’re not sure about the rest. You just need to remember two things. The first thing you need to remember is that everyone has a first day of school. I had one. I remember being a little scared and I remember crying, just a little bit. But I also remember that after my mom left – my teacher was the nicest lady and when I gave her a chance – I had a great time.
I paused and I could feel her eyes on me in the dark and she whispered: what is the second thing, mommy?
The second thing is that Mommy loves you, very, very much. I’m going to drop you off – and walk you to your classroom and give you a big hug and a big kiss. I’m going to think about you all day long and when the last bell of the school day rings, I’m going to be right there – waiting to hear every thing that happened during your first day in Kindergarten
She was quiet for a long time and I thought she’d fallen asleep. Then she curled her arms around my neck and hugged me very tightly and said with a fierce intensity: you’re the best mom, ever, Mommy. Can I think about you when I get scared today?
Absolutely. Do you want Mommy to give you a Kissing Hand in the morning?
Yes. She said and then snuggled up to me and went to sleep, fears and nervousness assuaged by a conversation in the dark. The Kissing Hand is based on a book she and I read together many years ago. The mamma kisses her son’s hand right in the palm, so that whenever he got scared, or nervous – he could put his palm to his cheek and press Momma’s kiss there.
Today, I’m a lot like my daughter. I’m excited and I’m scared. I’m happy and I’m sad. Today is her first day of Kindergarten. My little girl is growing up. While it’s just the beginning of another part of our journey – it’s also the ending of the journey that came before.
I think Mommy is going to need a kissing hand today too.