My children sometimes accuse me of having “over-developed” boundaries. While they have no idea that I have developed those personal limits and boundaries over the years in response to all sort of life events, I do see how sometimes my boundaries can seem like I am lacking in tolerance. My children are not the only ones who have taken issue with my boundaries–there have been a few others (coworkers and friends) who have wondered where my boundaries stop, and intolerance begins…
I think this can be a hard one–both personally and as a parent trying to model both healthy boundaries and patience and tolerance for a child. I do not want to come off as rigid or lacking in appreciation for other people’s ways of doing things, but I also want to make sure that I make my own personal and family boundaries quite clear. I definitely do not have the same appreciation for some of those free souls and time-challenged people that used to amuse me when I was much younger. I think that some of this is just growing up, while the rest probably comes from having gotten tired of having people in my life who were perpetually late, showed up uninvited, or didn’t hold up their end of things. As a parent, I then became determined to hopefully shape my children so that they would not be those sorts of people.
Perhaps there is a bit of intolerance in my firm boundaries–but I would like to think that isn’t necessarily unhealthy at this age and at this stage in the game. After all, I AM the forty year-old parent now and someone who needs to set an example for three kids. I do make a bit of a gut-check when I’m accused of intolerance in order to assess if I am being too rigid or impatience, or if I am simply setting healthy and reasonable boundaries–overall, I’m pretty comfortable with my progress!
Also: Do We Always Have to Give an Explanation?
Does this Action Demand a Response From Me?
Let’s Get Down to the Bottom of This