Break ups are never easy, even if you know it is right. There are still emotional ties to that person for not only you, but for your children as well. In many ways it can feel like going through a divorce all over again. It is normal for you and your children to feel many of the same feelings of grief and abandonment that you did when you first got divorced. It can be discouraging for you and devastating for your children.
Children form attachments quickly and easily. If you begin dating someone be aware of the relationship your children are developing with that person as well. I’ve gone through different stages of dating since my divorce. In the beginning, nobody was going to meet my child. I didn’t want him to be any more confused than he already was. He was still trying to deal with Mommy and Daddy not living together anymore and to throw someone else into the picture just didn’t seem right. As time went on and I began dating more I started to bring him along. The men I was dating needed to know that it we were a package deal and they needed to decide early on whether or not they could handle that reality. At first it wasn’t a big deal. Logan had a good time, it saved me from trying to hunt down a babysitter, which at the time was quite difficult, and it helped weed out the ones that weren’t ready to take on that kind of responsibility. The problem came when things started to progress with one or the other. Logan was forming attachments to these men and when they disappeared for one reason or another he was devastated. We had let someone into our lives and they had been ripped from him again, just like his father had been months earlier, only this time it was forever. Watching him go through this was eating me up inside. I just couldn’t do it anymore. I decided then and there, that I wasn’t going to expose him until things were serious enough that they weren’t going to just up and leave us again. It is harder this way. Working between schedules can be difficult, especially if they have children of their own that you have to work around too.
There is always the chance that things won’t work out, that you will both be hurt again. That is part of dating again. It takes some vulnerability. Talk about your concerns with the men you are dating. Let them know that you aren’t willing to play games because your children are at stake. Don’t be discouraged. Dating is complicated, but when the right one comes along, it will be so worth all of the frustrations you may be experiencing now. Hang in there! As hard as it is now, you will get through it and so will your children.