I know firsthand how important organization and a sense of control can be to a single parent. So much of our lives may have felt (or does feel) out of control. There are so many elements to manage and we might even feel like we have something to prove (to whom I often wonder?) All that said we can be succumbing to too much pressure to do everything right and get everything just so…
First of all, I think we need to ask ourselves what is really going on? What is driving us to try to be so perfect and get everything “right”? After all, where is our definition of “right” coming from anyway? Is it from leftover voices from our past or is it coming from somewhere deep within ourselves? Is it really our thing or are regurgitating societal expectations? And, who is to say what is really “right” in the first place?
One of the things that I ask myself when I start to feel stressed and perfectionistic is whether or not my behaviors are actually helping or making things better for me or my family? Often, it is just putting extra tension and pressure on everyone and not improving our quality of life one bit. What is more important, after all, having the perfectly clean house and doing exactly what all the parenting book experts advise—or actually connecting with my kids and feeling a sense of peace? We know that trying to fit into a mold and do everything absolutely right can put extra pressure on us—usually when we need it the least, but what we might forget is that we often do this to ourselves!
Even if we understand that we are trying to enforce some elements of control onto our lives with our desire to get everything right, it often makes us feel worse in the long run since striving for absolute perfectionism is a trying to win a losing battle.