Perhaps I was in serious denial, but I never really anticipated that the day would come that my kids were “too old” to hug and cuddle (rest assured there is a happy ending to this story because they do come around for hugs again in the late teen years). With three children all so close in age, I literally felt like I was draped and dressed with children for over a decade. Little did I actually imagine, it would come to an abrupt stop!
Even into the early middle school year(s), my kids would still snuggle next to me on the couch or climb up on my bed to watch a movie. Of course, it wasn’t anything like the early years when hugs and cuddles and snuggles were customary despite whatever else was going on. But, sometime around the middle of the middle school years, it all came to an abrupt halt. One day I was wondering if they would ever learn to knock before coming into my bedroom, and the next day, it seemed, they wouldn’t set foot in my room regardless!
Of course, I understand how age appropriate and developmentally on target it is for kids to cease wanting to hug and cuddle with Mom. I get that it is absolutely right, BUT, it still comes as a bit of a shock. There were some months and even a year or so in there where it was impossible to even get a mother-teen hug in there. The best I could hope for was a pat on the arm or shoulder as one of us passed the other. Just when I started getting completely used to the lack of physical contact between myself and my now tall teenagers (as any parent of teens knows they can barely stand to have us look at them, let alone touch them), they seem to come out of the snarkiest of things and are actually willing to offer the hearty hug on their own. Who knew?
Perhaps, the physical distance is necessary for the pulling away that teenagers need to do from their parents. I imagine that it is important for them to be able to really set themselves apart from mom and dad in every possible way. Then, when they start to feel increasingly secure in the fact that they are an entirely separate, autonomous being, hugs aren’t nearly so threatening. The day has yet to come, however, that my teens and I can sit side by side on the same couch again—good thing I have enough living room furniture that we all can spread out without touching!
See Also: You Can Sit Here–But Don’t Talk to Me!
Allowing Teenagers Some Room to Flounder