Before my first child was born, I did everything I could possibly do to prepare for the changes in my life. I read every parenting book I could put my hands on, and convinced myself that I was prepared – I even knew that there would be a lot of things I couldn’t prepare for. I was ready. I was set. Then, suddenly, I was a mom. And I realized that none of the parenting books could even come close to adequately describing reality.
But the most interesting discovery I made as my babies morphed into toddlers was that none of the secular books could come close to describing the challenges unique to a Latter-day Saint family. And so I’ve put together a list of things that I wish someone had told me before my kids were born.
1. New babies have mastered the talent of explosion. One end or the other is always ready to spew something. A father or other close priesthood holder laying his hands on a Latter-day Saint baby’s head will generate a signal to the child which can produce an immediate explosion from either the top or bottom, and sometimes both. Handmade outfits increase the probability of occurance.
2. You will find yourself chanting, “Surely the mothers of the stripling warriors had children who didn’t listen when they were young” over and over – and over – again.
3. Nothing will convince you that you bless the food the same time, every time, than hearing it presented in a singsong voice by your children.
4. Hearing your preschooler inform you that he is packing for his mission will make you sniff back the tears. Searching for exactly where the mission zone – and your child – is located will drive you to tears of panic.
5. You thought finding time for scripture study was difficult before your kids came along. Once you’ve added them to the mix, however, you will burst with pride to do even five verses – and sometimes getting through a single verse will take all of your energy.
6. Convincing an 18 month old infant that they want to go to nursery comes with mixed results. However, the nursery leaders always seem to convince you to leave before snack time, which is distinctly unfair.
7. You will never be able to focus on taking the sacrament ever again. At least, that’s how it will feel for at least the first five years (for each child).
8. Every child in the Primary Program will look like an angel, happily singing. Yours will be the only one who realizes exactly how many people in the ward are staring at them and freak out.
9. You will be told that some people (maybe even your parents!) have well-behaved angels who listen with rapt attention to family home evening lessons. You will hear about a variety of methods. None of these will ever work before your child is twelve. Everything told to you to the contrary is a lie. A lie!
10. The song “Scripture Power”, sung by an adorable toddler, touches your heart the first, tenth, and twentieth (if you are super-patient) time you hear it. By the fortieth occurance, you are convinced that “Scripture Power” will literally lead you into sin.
Take heart – my oldest is only five. I’m sure in another ten years, I can create a new list that encompasses Scouting, Young Women’s, and Seminary! But one thing is sure – life as a mother makes us appreciate Heavenly Father’s patience and mercy on a daily basis!
Related articles:
2nd Nephi – Stopping the Bullet
Missionaries and Humor