Every ward has at least one – a couple that appears to parent the ‘perfect Mormon family’. The rest of us have eyed these people with a combination of disbelief and awe, and consoled ourselves by repeating that everyone has problems and no person or family is perfect, no matter what reality may seem to be. In the secular world, this family that everyone strives to emulate would be known as the Jones, but in our Mormon world, they are more apt to be known as the Smiths or the Youngs or the Kimballs, if not by some other name (and we’re sure they are somehow related to one of those families). In keeping with the new year, I’d like to share some resolutions we can all make to be sure we keep up with Sister Smith/Young/Kimball (heretofore known as Sister SYK).
10. Resolve to have more children. Everyone knows that the SYK family turns out, on average, twelve perfect angels that never talk back, serve missions, and are sealed in the temple. Know that you can never keep up with just two or three or four children. Hope that, if you have a dozen kids anyway, you should manage to turn out at least one returned missionary. Right? Try not to consider the cost of sending twelve kids on a mission, to college, or to Little League.
9. Resolve to plant a garden. A three acre garden that could support your entire subdivision in a time of crisis. Make a note to learn how to can food, and to try to figure out how to get your kids to eat vegetables. Smile at the idea that, with twelve kids, you might even be able to skip out on the weeding in a few years. Probably not, but you can hope.
8. Resolve to buy a wheat grinder and find out if you can grow wheat in your garden. If Sister SYK can make her own bread, so can you! Try to figure out where you can buy wheat if you don’t live near the Bishop’s storehouse. Ask Sister SYK if she uses a bread machine. Cry when she extols the joy of making bread by hand. Try to persuade her that the Relief Society Presidency lauded the use of a bread machine during the last Relief Society General Conference. Wonder how a woman with twelve kids makes bread by hand. Resolve to cheat and use a bread machine anyway.
7. Resolve to learn how to sew. Visit a fabric store and gawk at the prices. Try to figure out how this is supposed to be less expensive than buying clothes. Stare at the sewing machine and wonder if you can find one that sews by itself. Resolve to start with learning how to sew a button, and maybe a hem. Resolve to make your kids figure out how to sew and then teach you.
6. Resolve to keep your kids awake early in the morning for scripture study. Wonder how Sister SYK does it, especially with one child in seminary and a toddler or two. Decide Sister SYK must be sneaking coffee to stay awake all day. Grin with joy at figuring out her secret.
5. Resolve to attend the temple 32 days a month. Wonder how you are supposed to afford a babysitter with twelve kids. Smile at the idea that one day your oldest will be able to babysit in a few years. Shake with horror at the idea of leaving your younger kids with your oldest. Realize that you will be spending your time at the temple praying for the survival of your kids at home.
4. Resolve to become a dinner-making machine. Try to find out the names of any sisters who need dinners provided. Rationalize that if you are doing service and bringing another family homemade dinner, buying fast food for your family is okay. Try to find a section in the scriptures to support that.
3. Resolve to find some invisible tape to put on your twelve kids’ mouths during sacrament meeting, in the hopes that at least they will be as quiet as Sister SYK’s kids. Try to convince yourself that this will help them learn good habits. Consider the idea of rope but dismiss that. Try to remember to smile all the time even if your kids are holy terrors at church.
2. Resolve to remember that it’s not programs or activities that increase your spirituality; it’s your commitment to Christ. Resolve to stop comparing yourself to Sister SYK. Resolve to lean more on Christ and to try to become more Christlike instead of more Sister SYK-like.
1. Peek at Sister SYK and see if she has made the same resolution.
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(and one serious)
Relief Society: Do You Feel Inadequate?