Sometimes we have trouble communicating even with those we love. So here are some tips to help you communicate more effectively with your spouse.
1. Listen to them.
Really listen. Don’t be in such a hurry to have your own say that you don’t listen carefully. I’m constantly amazed at the number of people who interrupt because they are so desperate to have their say. Show your spouse he same courtesy you would like yourself and should show to others by listening.
2. Be careful of what you say and the manner in which you say it.
Don’t put your spouse down making derogatory comments like ‘you are so hopeless, or, You never take things seriously.’ Or ‘you never do anything right’ or ‘You only ever think of yourself.’ Sound familiar? While we’re at it, leave out the treacherous little words like ‘always’ and ‘never.’ It’s probably not true anyway and even if it is, these words only inflame a situation.
3. Tell you spouse you love them often.
We all need to know we are loved. The only situation where ‘always’ and ‘never’ should occur is in declaring your love. As well as telling your spouse you love them, show it in the way you behave.
4. Don’t criticize
Instead of criticizing them and accentuating what you see as their faults, tell them how something they may have done or haven’t done as they case may be, makes you feel e.g. ‘It makes me feels angry’ or ‘it makes me feel like I don’t matter.’
5. Remember you’re not perfect and neither is your spouse.
We are all going to make mistakes and get things wrong at times and hurt those we love. Reminding them of what you see as their faults is not going to help, but will only aggravate the situation.
6. Remember you spouse is not a mind reader and shouldn’t be expected to be.
When your spouse asks ‘what’s wrong’ calmly tell him or her how you are feeling. Don’t come out with ‘nothing’ expecting your spouse should already know what the problem is. I suspect us women are most guilty of this one.
Join me tomorrow for more tips about communicating effectively with your spouse.
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