The foster / adopt training that we took informed and warned us about some of the behaviors and traits that we would see when we took foster children into our home. I am not a special needs expert, although I know a lot more now than I did then. Rather than try to analyze what we saw, I want to report it so that others who try fostering will not be surprised.
In previous articles, I have discussed fits, rages, and insecurity.
Children who have been hungry sometimes do peculiar things. Even though they were being fed regularly, the boys would grab food off of the floor or ground and eat it before we could catch them. This happened at home and in public, particularly in fast food restaurants. The most disturbing incidents were when they were tempted to take chewing gum out of urinals.
They tried to hoard and sneak food. We would find food hidden in their rooms and occasionally catch them sneaking into the pantry in the middle of the night. That happened last night, over four years later. Children who know what it is like to be hungry take a long time to adjust to normal living.
They also tend to be very focused on food. Sometimes, they tell us that they are starving when they have just eaten. They are also very conscious of whether or not they received their share of something. Many times in very poor neighborhoods, what food that is available is put out and the children are left to fight over it. Many times, the oldest and strongest get most of the food. I am told that it is often that way in an orphanage.
Our oldest was very protective of his younger brothers. When he was three or four years old, he was frequently the only person looking out for the younger children. Where they lived, he was the most responsible person there, even though he was a toddler.
One evening something had happened at the other end of the house and I was hurrying down the hallway. I accidentally ran into one of the smaller children and knocked him down. Matthew Walter saw what happened but didn’t realize that it was an accident. Only four and a half years old, he instinctively looked up at me and ordered me to quit hurting his brother. It took us a while to help him understand that from now on Daddy and Mommy would look out for them.
As the boys have acclimated to having a loving family and a stable environment, some of these behaviors have stopped, but the remnants of others persist. We have been very blessed in that the boys do not have any really serious problems. The good news is that we are making wonderful progress.
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