How a child is transitioned is so important! There are families who feel like the transition should take as long as possible to ensure a smoother transition, and others who feel a fast transition is better, allowing the new parents to take that opportunity to comfort and soothe the child. How long a transition should take really depends on the child, and the foster family.
In our first son’s case, the foster family felt they needed to say goodbye quickly for their own emotional concerns. Our son was 13 ½ months old. I think it would have been hard on them to see our son agitated by the transitioning. Our son, as a result was transitioned in less than 24 hours. He seemed fine overall. He cried a lot that first night. He clung to me too. I didn’t realize he had anxiety issues likely as a result of having his whole life pulled out from under him. When he’s in an unfamiliar situation, he shows signs of anxiety as a defense.
Our youngest son was only 5 months old and we all took our time with him. It was a one week transition. He appeared depressed and blank-like for a couple weeks after placement. He now shows no signs of anxiety and has a healthy bond to his dad and me.
Here are some tips that will hopefully make a smoother transition:
- Don’t be so quick to wash their belongings. Smells from their past home can be a comfort in an unfamiliar environment. Because of this, I recommend, at least one time, even using the same detergent as the foster parents did. Even using the same brand of shampoo and soaps is a good idea.
- Interview the foster parents and find out the child’s routine. Stay as close as you can to the child’s routine initially even if it’s a bit off from yours. You can slowly work your child into a new bedtime etc…
- As much as you may want to show your new family member off, it can be so overwhelming to the child. Consider waiting a month for a welcome party and just have a couple family members at a time. Meeting in your home initially rather than taking them out will hopefully help your child feel more secure in their new home.
- Be moderate with gifts. Especially if the child didn’t have a whole lot. You don’t want them to come to expect it. They are all ready getting a new life make over as it is
- On the same note, be consistent. Be yourself and have rules set up from day one. Regardless of age, new routines take some time getting used to so be understanding. Being too lenient on your child initially, then becoming stricter can be confusing to a child trying to figure you out.
- If the child is older, perhaps allow them to help decorate their own room. You can start off with the essentials when they come but allow them to pick out a comforter or bed pillows. You may want to do a girl’s room pink, but she may actually love purple. I think this will help the child to feel that it is their space in their room.
- If the child is older, perhaps give them a disposable camera for them to take pictures of their foster home to have memories to gather in a photo album.
How you transition your children can have a life long impact on them. Please do it with care.
(Melissa is a Families.com Christian Blogger. Read her blogs at: http://members.families.com/mj7/blog)