I struggled with exactly how to title this blog–the fact is, I wanted to write about treating our children’s problems with respect and care, so I don’t really think we should treat their problems “as though” they matter–but to make sure that we convey to our children that their problems DO matter to us.
It can seem like the issues and problems of a three or five or even fifteen-year-old pale in comparison to what we are wrestling with as adults. Puppy love, feelings of isolation, troubles with friends or teachers–all of these may seem like child’s play to those of us who are trying to pay the mortgage, deal with a potential job layoff, take care of an aging or ill parent, or just put food on the table. Still, as parents, it is part of our job to take our children’s growth and development with some seriousness and treat their life issues with care and concern.
It may help to keep in mind that all the lessons and struggles our children are going through prepare them for adulthood. By showing them that we do care and are concerned (without being overly involved or fixated, of course), we are letting them know that they are separate individuals and they have a right to be listened to. They have value and they matter. Can you remember how huge and important some of your childhood dilemmas seemed to you? I think an entire field of therapy has been built on helping adults go back and deal with childhood issues and traumas that shaped them into adulthood. While we may not be able to fix our child’s problems, or even know all the answers–being attentive and caring and letting them know they matter–can go a long way in giving them the esteem and support they need to face their own problems.
See Also: Wrestling with Trust and Really Checking In With Our Kids