So I read a lot of different websites and scan news headlines daily. It’s just a part of how I want to do my job to deliver the best information possible. Yesterday, I came across a site that offered some of the most troubling emotional advice I’d ever read.
No, I’m not going to give you the web site address because I don’t think it’s fair to bash the writer or creator, however, I am going to discuss the two pieces of advice that I found so troubling.
The first piece was with regard to undermining a love interest’s existing relationship using deceit and deception. No, this is not a site discussing soap operas though their information seems to come straight out of a soap opera script somewhere.
To paraphrase the advice they gave on this topic:
Deception and deceit could work, but if you are caught using these tactics chances are the person you are trying to catch will view you as a deceitful person. It’s better to be upfront about your intentions.
My two largest problems with this advice is that you should never actively pursue someone who is already engaged in a relationship. First and foremost, it’s disrespectful and secondly, you are asking for someone to do the same to you. If you are good friends with someone in an existing relationship, that’s fine – but pursuing or pushing for more – makes you the bad guy and you are the one guilty of sabotaging that relationship by opening the door to other possibilities. Chances are you are going to hurt everyone involved, including yourself.
The second piece of advice, and again – this is paraphrased recommends that you:
use love economics to manipulate the existing variables in your favor. Basically, if you feel that your love interest is your soul mate and they are matched up to is not good for them – then be up front about your interests and prove to them that you are the better match. You may very well be doing them a favor.
Where to begin with how wrong I find this advice? First and foremost, it is not up to you decide whether or not someone is a good match for someone you are interested in. Let’s face it, if you are that interested in someone then you are hardly in possession of an unbiased opinion. Breaking two people up because you know best is the height of arrogance. Whether you are upfront to them or not, you are basically trying to make someone else’s decisions and again – you are going to hurt someone, maybe all three of you.
Relationships should be respected. You can be there for a friend, but the moment you start to interfere in that relationship whether you are upfront or not, you are making yourself the third person in that relationship. And let’s be really honest, say your plan works and the person you are interested in leaves their relationship for you?
What do you say when someone else decides you are not the right person for them? Cause you know – it’s going to happen.
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