This is what I thought marriage would be: perfect. Why? Because I bought the “happily ever after” sales pitch and paid full price. Heck, I rushed right to the register and whipped out my money once I found it on the shelves.
I was 15 when I met Wayne and we’ve been together ever since. Twenty-one years total this year. If I had the chance to do it all over again, even knowing his flaws, I’d still make the same decision again that I did back then. I regret nothing about our time together, because I believe in true love and I believe Wayne is my destiny.
My only regret is that “happily ever after” isn’t the birds singing, sun always shining “ending” I’d expected. Actually, marriage is just the beginning of a whole new tale.
Recently, an associate of mine has been having a tough go with her marriage. I don’t know her or her situation all that well, but I do know the relationship she shares with her husband is similar to the one Wayne and I share. They’ve been together since high school, if not just shortly thereafter. They basically grew up together. They have three children. (If I count Murphy, Kitty, and Tabby, Wayne and I have three too.)
I’m still not sure what exactly happened or who’s making the first move to end things. I’m not one to pry; I feel more comfortable letting people tell me what they want when they want.
There have been rumblings of infidelity, though. On her husband’s part.
I seriously doubt I’ll ever find myself in this situation (Wayne just isn’t the kind to cheat; that’s some dumb thing I’d make the mistake of doing before he would), but…
For me (as it would for most wives, I imagine), it would devastate me to learn Wayne was in love with another woman and was leaving me for her. However, and this shocks about 90% of my friends, if I learned his affair was more about sex, not love, I’d be crushed and hurt, but I’d fight to save my marriage.
Why? Because if Wayne had the guts to come clean, if he told me it was a mistake and it would never happen again, that he loved me, that he knew what he did was wrong and that he didn’t want me to leave him, I’d give him the benefit of the doubt.
That’s not to say I’d automatically forgive him. It just means I’d accept he’s not perfect, I’m not perfect, our marriage isn’t perfect, and the “happy” in our “ever after” needs fixing.
Twenty years is too much time to just throw away without a good go at trying to recapture, rekindle, and otherwise readjust our lives together.
I can’t walk in my friend’s shoes. I don’t know what her heart is feeling. I just know, having grown up in a divorced family, that it’s not just the parents who break up. The whole family unit as it was known does. If there’s any way to salvage it, the relationship will be the stronger for it.
Because all marriages enjoy smooth sailing from time to time, as well as rough waters. Infidelity just happens to qualify for “Perfect Storm” horrendous marital conditions.
It’s an incredibly personal decision to look at the lifeboat and choose either to abandon ship, or stay aboard and ride out the storm.
My vows weren’t just recitations. For better or worse, baby, better or worse. That means I’ll go down with the ship if that’s what it comes to.
Courtney Mroch is a regular contributor to the Pets Blog. Read more from this blogger here.
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