Being a kid is hard. Imagine being told what to do even when you do not understand the purpose. Imagine wanting something and it being denied. Imagine being told not to things all day long. Kids are full of mishaps. As parents we are to mold our children into productive and positive people. Yet, kids can make our job difficult since we spend more time saying “no” or “don’t” than “yes” and “do.” If I were told “no” and “don’t” all day I would become discouraged. Discouragement does not manifest into proper behavior and positive attitudes.
Wait. Please do not misunderstand. I am not advocating not disciplining your child for fear she will develop a low self esteem. I believe in firm and swift discipline. I believe in unwavering consistency. Yet, I also believe in training up a child in the way he should go. If you were new to a country I am sure you would prefer the gentle hand of a guide rather than harsh words when you made mistakes. There are plenty of reasons and times to say “no” or “don’t”. There are also plenty of reasons and times to say “yes” or “do”. A positive and calm attitude will teach your child the proper choice instead of the child only seeing your anger or disappointment. If you are constantly expressing anger and disappointment your child may grow so accustomed to that attitude that it no longer has an effect. Discipline firmly but instruct carefully. Rethink your statements in the positive to get a positive reaction.
Negative Turned to Positive
“Don’t color on the walls” can turn into “We only color on paper or in coloring books. Let’s get something to scrub this wall.”
“No. You cannot watch TV” can turn into “As soon as we get back you can watch TV” or “Just as soon as you finish eating you can watch TV.”
“Don’t go so far from the house!” can turn into “That is too far. You have from this point to this point. You will have to come inside if stray beyond it.”
“No, you cannot have ice cream” can turn into “Ice cream for breakfast? That’s silly. We have ice cream after dinner” or “We can have ice cream another time.”
As you can see the instances I used are minor and were simply tweaked to sound more positive. The same point will be made but in a positive vain. I am certainly not suggesting you become a wimpy parent. Disobedience should never be tolerated on any level. We are not talking about a child getting away with something or going easier on the child for an infraction. We are talking about guiding the child to make the right decisions.