How does your child do when you turn her loose?
In school, kids have to self-advocate. In fact, in all groups children have to self-advocate to a large degree, especially if you are not around all of the time. Self-advocacy is a good skill to learn, but it’s one that is hard for young children. In fact, it’s one of the reasons that I’m tentative about letting my daughter loose into the school system. She’ll have to navigate large groups of children on her own. As an introvert, she doesn’t have the natural inclination to introduce herself to many other children and involve herself in their play. She is a quiet, gentle person when she is in a new situation, and she doesn’t have the wherewithal to move into others’ play. Of course, once she’s in a familiar situation that all changes. She leaps, she dances, she shrieks, and she’s very much like all of the little extroverts.
For this reason, I’m a little wary of the influence of large groups of children. I like to see adults present: supportive adults who can connect with the children who seem to be losing their way. In our parent participation preschool, there was a large group of children but they were watched closely by caring adults who would step in if the children seemed to be struggling or heading towards a conflict. The same goes for my daughter’s current learning situation. We go to a part time program two mornings a week, and there are many parents and teachers around who can intervene with gentle assistance. Your home learner may attend a part time program, sports class, Sunday school, or a summer camp, but at some point she’ll need to learn how to navigate that social world.
As an introvert myself, I find myself trying to teach my daughter social skills for integrating herself into groups of children. But what happens when the usual, “Can I play with you?” is met with a “No!” all around? Others aren’t obliged to play with her, and while she does enjoy playing by herself she also wants to play with other people.
I think that this is where adults still play a role. I’m teaching her not to go to adults to tattletale, but to go to adults for social assistance. If she needs words to help her play with others, she can go to any adult and ask them what to do. Failing that, she has a number of big kid friends who can help with these sorts of problems.
We’re also working to develop some connections in these groups to help the children play together. I volunteer at the program once a week, so at that time I can help with the social navigation if required. Having the parent act as the social glue helps.
I feel that when young children are left at sea to navigate the social waters, they often sink. Sinking means exclusion, bullying, and loneliness. They just don’t always have the skills to figure out a mutually-acceptable solution.
What do you do to equip your child to handle groups of kids?
Image courtesy of capgros at Stock Exchange.