If I had known way back in the beginning, when I was becoming a parent, what I know about single parenthood–I might have chosen life as a single parent first, instead of going the traditional marriage route. Just writing that out seems somewhat unexpected and shocking, I know. But, I’ve found that there are a lot of unexpected outcomes from my accidental path of single parenting and it hasn’t been that bad of a gig!
I’ve heard all the people who say that a family has to be one man and one woman and then all the children live happily ever after. I’ve heard the theories that is the best and the “preferred” way of going about making and raising a family. I think I even subscribed to that belief system without giving it much thought back when I was 19 or 20 and just getting married and starting to plan for having a family. But, that’s not how my family experience went and there have been such unexpected joys and challenges that I’m of a very different mind these days.
So, what might those unexpected outcomes be? Well, of course I’ve discovered independence and strength, but I’ve also had to come to terms with weaknesses and struggles that might have laid dormant if I’d been able to hide in a marriage. I’ve also had to learn how to think of myself and my family as part of something bigger–we are not a self-contained little unit, but a collection of extended family and friends, community resources, teachers, sports teams, etc. I remember in the early married days feeling like a self-contained little family unit, whereas single parenthood has forced me to learn how to open up and connect our family with the world at large. Now that my kids are nearly grown, I see the amazing benefit of that in their confidence and the way THEY feel connected and supported.
There is that old saying that when life gives you lemons, you make lemonade–but I don’t think that any sort of intentional family is made of lemons. The main unexpected outcome of single parenthood is that I don’t view it as being handed a bag full of lemons, I think instead I was offered gallons of freshly squeezed pink lemonade!
Also: Single Parenting Perks
What I Like About Being a Single Parent