A far-away friend and I were talking parenting. She is a relatively new parent with a two-year-old and I am a relatively “old” parent with three teenagers. We are the same age and have gone about our lives somewhat differently–but now we have the fact that we are both mothers to give us something new and fresh to chat around. She was talking about how much she HATED unsolicited advice from strangers and others about how to parent her son: “Maybe they know what worked with their child, but they don’t know my child!” I couldn’t help but think how universal we try to make our parenting advice and tips–judging, evaluating, looking for the magic parenting formula when she’s absolutely right–every child and every parent is different.
People often ask me about my “parenting philosophy” and how I am going about things as a single mom–as if I have a manifesto I can unfurl for public consumption. They look a little puzzled when I share it’s still an evolving process–with three very different individuals for children and my own changing, evolving self–I just do the best I can to stay both flexible and consistent. But, I so don’t have it all figured out yet! I’m the first person to admit when I’m asked for advice that what worked for me and one or more of my kids isn’t necessarily what will work for someone else–Just like someone else’s tips and tricks may or may not work for me. Or, I just might not like them or feel philosophically aligned.
Some days, I wish there was a magic formula that worked for all kids, everywhere, all the time. It would sure make things easier if parenting was like a recipe or scientific formula–handed down unchanged from generation to generation. Instead, it’s like a made-from-scratch soup every day. The tiniest changes –the weather, hormones, chemical balances, external forces and pressures–all affect how the interaction will go (will it be smooth or combustible?)
So, I’m with my old friend–while I definitely go in for some solicited advice now and again, I’d be happier if I didn’t hear the unsolicited kind ever again–or have someone else tell me what they thought was best or how they think I ought to be running things. We may be bumbling along, but we really are doing the best we can.
See Also: Listening to Your Inner Voice and Trusting Your Instincts,
Where do You Go for Parenting Advice?