Many of us imagine that when we get to be parents, we will be able to do things our way–raise our children and make decisions based on our ideas and values. However, it does not take long for most parents to realize that they are targets for plenty of unwanted and unsolicited advice from in-laws, family, friends and even strangers! As a single parent, we might be even more of a magnet for unwanted comments from the peanut gallery…
I have found that it helps to develop a strategy for coping with the unwanted advice–come up with a pat answer or reaction that you can turn to. This helps to create some detachment so that a person is not tempted to take things more seriously and let them get under one’s skin. For example, “Thank you for suggestion, I will definitely keep that in mind” is one way to nip a comment in the bud while being polite. One of my favorites is to respond with “Isn’t it fascinating how all children are different?!” This way, I am letting the other person know that while I have heard what they say, I am acknowledging that there is no one right way to raise a child or children.
Try not to take it personally or take it on as some criticism of your parenting. Even if you are pretty sure that it is meant as criticism of your parenting or your single parent status–you do NOT have to take that on. We have the choice to shrug things off, take into account or consideration what we want to, and let the rest of it go. I know it can be tough–especially if you are already feeling a bit insecure or battered by circumstances, but remember that you are the parent and you don’t have to take on any of that unwanted or unsolicited advice.