The beginning of my search was a very difficult time.
It was a touchy subject between my adoptive mother and I, and the last thing I wanted to do was upset her. I was HER daughter and that was all that should have mattered from her standpoint. But unfortunately, as most adoptees know, it isn’t all that matters. Because we do have a place that we came from. And we do need to seek out that information. Well, most of us do.
Because my adoptive mother was not supportive of my searching, it was difficult to access some of the information I needed. I had to become a private eye in my own home so I could pick up what I needed.
I began the whole process by gathering as much information as I possibly could. I requested my original birth certificate, which I never actually received. Leaving me with my amended birth certificate. I requested my hospital records, and those came with her name blacked out but were interesting regardless. And I requested any information on my biological mother from the State of Missouri, where I was adopted. All they could tell me was that my biological mother had brown hair, blue eyes, 5’5, 110lbs. Well, that’s great. They had just described me! So I basically started from scratch.
I wasn’t quite 21 years old when I first became interested in searching. In the state of Missouri, my adoption state, I wasn’t old enough to search.
Honestly that worked out well anyway, since there is a lot of footwork that needs to be accomplished first anyway. I was living in Texas at the time, which is where my biological mother relinquished me. So I had plenty to work on at that end.
Most of the foot work was done at our local library. We were living in Dallas, and I was born in Houston, which are approximately four and a half to five hours drive from each other. We went often to Houston for my ex husbands work, so it was easier than I at first thought.
I immediately sought out the Internet. I knew that the resources would be greater and I found the AOL Adoption boards the first day. They have changed dramatically since then (that was 1994) but remain an excellent source of comfort to a lost triad member, hoping to be “found”. Shortly after discovering AOL’s adoption boards, I joined the Adoptee’s Internet Mailing List (AIML). It was a HUGE support for me at the time. It has changed and grown dramatically since back then in ’94, and I just ran a search for it recently and could not find it anymore, but if it is still out there, I would still recommend it to someone searching.
I started out in both places just posting the info I had: my date of birth, time of birth, city and state of birth and anything else I could think of.
While I waited to hear from people, I posted my own personal poems, and also commented on, and read others works. It wasn’t long before Bret contacted me.
In fact, within 2 days – I met Bret, Daria AND Terrie online, the three that would make my search and reunion happen! Too funny how that worked!
I recommend to anyone, get involved in online communities. Not only will you make friends, people to network with, but you might meet someone who really can change your world, by providing information you might not otherwise have accessed!
Watch my blog for new updates and more of my personal story!