I often write about the strength and “toughness” of single parents, but I think it is only fair that I also talk a little bit about vulnerability. Many of us find that we wrestle with our vulnerability—how vulnerable can we be? How tough do we have to be? Where do we go with our vulnerable feels and how do we protect ourselves from being too vulnerable? Some days it can seem like a minefield as we vacillate and try to figure what is “good” vulnerability and what is not so good…
I made up my mind after I went through a divorce and some difficult and unfulfilling relationships, as well as three kids entering the throes of adolescence that I did not want to become someone who was so tough as to be bitter. It would have been a very easy place to go to in the attempt of protecting myself and keeping myself above and beyond any more pain and fray of living. But, I don’t want to be so tough as to lose the lessons and vulnerability that some of these hard times have given me. On the other hand, I don’t want to be so vulnerable as to be a door mat. I think that my situation is somewhat typical for a single parent—we want to be emotionally available, but we also have to keep our wits about us at the same time.
As we get older, many of us don’t feel as though we have the leeway for mistakes and missteps that we once did. And, as single parents, we now have to stay sane and responsible for our child or children too. This can cause us to think that we have to be so tough and strong as to not show a bit of vulnerability. I don’t necessarily think this is the case—but I do acknowledge that it is tough to reach any sort of balance. Tough or soft? Invincible or approachable? Single parents have to figure out how to be both and manage both the good and the bad of vulnerability.
Also: Keep an Eye Out for Possible Problems