Sometimes I get really caught up in being “the Mom”—so caught up, in fact, that I forget what it’s like to be “the Child.” Although the older my kids become, the easier it is for me to recall what it was like to be “their age”—sometimes, I either just don’t take the time or I’m really absorbed with what it’s like to be me at the age I am now and I forget to dig down and try to look at the world from their perspective; walk a mile in their shoes.
I certainly can’t expect my kids to know what it’s like to be me. I do catch myself saying sometimes, “Try to imagine what it’s like from my perspective!” As if they actually could imagine what things look like from my perspective. They can’t. But, I can imagine what things look like from their perspective and while I’m no longer making my choices and decisions like a seventeen-year-old, I sure do remember what was going on in my life and my head when I was that age!
Empathy is an amazingly powerful tool for a parent. I think it gives us the opportunity to see the big picture and try to get and stay connected with our kids by focusing on that big picture instead of the tiny actions or comments that may derail us in the moment. That doesn’t mean the little lessons don’t count, but putting ourselves in our child’s shoes can help us with challenges like not taking things personally, understanding motivation, fears and issues our children might be experiencing, and learning to take notice of what phases and stages our children might be going through.
Walking a mile (or two) in our children’s shoes doesn’t mean that we should make excuses for their behavior or let everything slide, but it can really guide us as parents in choosing the appropriate response and parenting moves—if we remember what it was like to be where they are at, we might be better able to be the type of parent they need for the moment.