Let’s face it, as parents most of us just KNOW that we know more than our kids. Even as our children get older, it can be hard to let go of those reigns and allow our children to be right, knowledgeable or in charge of their own lives a little. We can become patronizing and act “superior” to our children. There is a difference between having authority and commanding respect and being patronizing—and our children will respond differently to us depending on how we behave toward them…
Being patronizing can be just another way of cutting into a child’s self-esteem. By acting superior or belittling a child’s intelligence or contributions—even if we “pretend” that we are really trying to be helpful, we are delivering blows to their confidence and self-esteem. Saying things that treat the child as though he is younger than he is or less capable than he is, are ways that being condescending or patronizing are harmful. The thing is, some of us can be patronizing without even realizing we’re doing it!
Perhaps we just naturally think of ourselves as knowing more than the child and when we “talk down” to our son or daughter, we really think we are being parental: “Oh, I know you meant to be helpful, dear, but you really cannot help that you can’t do the dishes well.” Ask yourself how you would feel if someone in a position of authority over you said THAT to you? Would it come across as helpful? Concerned? Or condescending? If you would be upset or offended if a boss or parent said it to you, then it is probably a patronizing thing to say to your own child.
It takes practice and maturity for parents to learn how to speak respectfully to a growing child and not let patronization or condescension seep into our voices. We have to be able to respect and appreciate the child as a separate person and allow them to have opinions, ideas, and input without needing to be the ones always “in charge.”
Also: The WRONG Way to Praise Your Child
Five Ways to Empower Your Special Needs Child