I confess that it is in my nature to be quick-to-judge. Not just as parent, but in other aspects of my life as well. Even though I have spent a lifetime working on this challenging personal reality, I still come up against the quick and premature judgment when I am dealing with my children all the time. Learning how to take a step back and gather the facts before passing judgment can be an incredibly important element in any parent’s tool box.
Parenting is such a gut-reaction and emotional endeavor for so many of us—it can be tough to be objective, patient and other mellow ways of reacting. For me, I feel so protective of my kids and love them so much, and they have a way of triggering me in ways that no one else does—so that making snap and quick judgments seems more natural than taking time before responding. Even if this is what feels “natural” it is not usually the parental choice that gets the best reaction and response. If I am quick to pass judgment on my child’s friends, choices, behaviors, activities, etc. then there is a really good chance that I will “get it wrong” and push them away with my lack of patience and understanding.
Of course, we parents are not perfect, but if we can develop some skills like taking a break, counting backwards, asking questions instead of issuing ultimatums, etc. we can build trust and rapport with our kids instead of creating distance with our judgment. The time may come when we need to be very definitive and set those boundaries and limits and this may involve making a judgment call—but if we wait until after we have surveyed the situation and gathered all the facts and details, we will be in a much better position.
Also: Good Judgment Vs. Being Judgmental
Suspend Judgment of the Other Parent Until You Know the Facts