Many of us have come into single parenting with some pretty heavy anger and emotional issues. Even if we have done a lot of work to process those and work through to a healthier, happier place, we can still get struck and overwhelmed by feelings of wanting to seek revenge–as normal as it might be, this is not a road we want to start down as single parents…
Feelings of wanting to seek revenge are feelings that never cease to surprise me when the sneak up on me! I think I am so evolved and have done so much personal work and yet, there are those times when it seems no matter how long it has been since I have felt the twinges, revengeful thoughts will come upon me and I will want to see another person hurt the way that I have been hurt, or see them get what I think they deserve in repayment for what they have supposedly done to me. Okay, even if these are normal, human feelings–indulging them is NOT going to help our reality as a single parent.
Feeling the anger associated with revenge, acknowledging that things have gone wrong or we have been hurt is one thing, getting locked into perseverating feelings of revenge is quite another. The thing is, seeking revenge is closely linked with identifying as a victim. As long as we want revenge for some hurt or wrong that has been done to us, we are locked into thinking of ourselves as being victimized and this keeps us from taking on our full power and control over our lives and our families.
Revenge has been the downfall of many a single parent–we get so focused on trying to right past wrongs that we lose the opportunity to make a great life for ourselves and our child now, in the present. And, we pass on those feelings of victimization and vengeful anger to our children.
Also: Boost Your Single Parent Confidence
Making Decisions Under Stress?
Let Go of Feeling Like a Victim