While not all single parent families are formed by divorce–there are many that evolve because of the death of the other parent, or are formed by choice–when single parent families do come from a divorce situation, it can take years for the rift to heal and communication between the divorced parents to be healthy and optimal (in some families, it never happens.) It is the kids who suffer, however, and while you’re working through unfinished business, it is important to watch out for all those “unspoken” areas too. Just because you don’t talk about it, doesn’t mean that you’ve healed, or that the kids aren’t being affected.
I’m not suggesting that we need to air all our dirty divorce laundry or share inappropriate things with our kids–but we do need to face those unspoken issues and deal with them ourselves, otherwise they do creep up and have an affect on our families. The child or children might not know exactly what is going on, but they will sense unfinished business and this will contribute to insecurity and ongoing baggage. It is said that it isn’t the things that we talk about and know about that can hurt us, it is the stuff that we DON’T know about that can. Just because we sweep those unspoken issues under the rug, doesn’t mean they have disappeared. The only way to get rid of them for good is to drag them out into the light and work through them.
As you heal and recover from a divorce, and work to build a strong single-parent family, it is important to watch out for those underlying and unspoken issues–the sooner they are dealt with and healed from, the less likely they are to cause lasting problems for your family (and yourself.). Besides, kids are so good at picking up (and misinterpreting) nonverbal cues and issues–they won’t be able to heal and recover unless you face things and heal and recover first.
Also: Parents, Watch the Nonverbal Messages You Send Your Kids
Creating a Positive Home Environment
“No, We are Not Getting Back Together!”