I know that for many single parents, extracting financial support for a child is a major, stressful issue. I also know that the term “dead beat”—usually pertaining to dads, but it doesn’t always have to be—has become entrenched in our popular culture and the language we use when we talk about divorce and single parenting issues. But, do we really want to use the term “dead beat” in front of our child to describe his or her other parent?
It’s hard! I know this first hand and even if we understand that we shouldn’t be saying anything negative about our child’s other parent in front of him or her—that doesn’t make it any easier to do so. But really negative, heavily-weighted terminology like “dead beat” is really something that our children don’t need to hear about another parent, and they don’t need to hear us say something so judgmental either (since that is purely a reflection on us.)
I have a friend who works in child support recovery and I know that even the professionals use that term to describe a parent who is not providing support for a child, but just because it is “official” now, does not make it something that is going to help our child in his quest to understand his family situation, or create anything positive between us and the other parent. And, while I definitely think that parents should be held responsible and that in a perfect world, both parents would be equally and actively involved in the support and nurturing of a child, I don’t believe the term “dead beat” is helping anyone—least of all the child who has to hear his other parent branded with such a negative moniker. True or not, we want our kids to feel good about themselves and since their self-esteem can be so closely linked to their family scene at a young age, using more positive terminology is better for them.
Also: Re-visit Co-parenting Assumptions
They Need to Believe You Know What You’re Doing