Different people have different ways of saying, ’I’m sorry.’ Some people don’t seem to ever be able to manage to say the words. They might choose instead to make their apology by bringing flowers.
Mick is not much of a flower person, perhaps because we’ve seen too many movies where the guy brings flowers not because he’s sorry after an argument but because he’s feeling guilty because he’s having an affair. So for us, flowers tend to be more equated with guilt and other motives. Others might bring some other gift that is a peace offering.
Others will simply say ‘I’m sorry’ and show they are sorry by a kiss, a cuddle, physical affection or trying to do some little thing to please their spouse. Neither of us have a problems saying, ‘I’m sorry,’ to the other. Neither does it matter who says’ I’m sorry’ so long as we are able to move past the argument. As I said to him once, ‘I hate it when we argue.’
Of course it’s no good just saying the words if the rest of your behavior or your spouse’s behavior doesn’t show you are sorry.
If your spouse is one who finds it almost impossible to say the words, then they might show it by another way. They will say they are sorry by doing something. They might suddenly get in and fix that job that’s been waiting ages or start doing other jobs around the house. It s no good holding out for the actual words to be said if that is not their way. Or it might be you who is the one who has trouble forming the words.
A lot depends on the personality of the person. So each of us needs to beware of how our spouse says they are sorry and how we say we are sorry.
Other people just expect to be able to move on and pick up where the relationship was before the argument. I think that‘s a less satisfactory way. But maybe that’s because Mick and I feel words work best and that there is something healing in saying the actual words, ‘I’m sorry.’
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