It’s such a beautiful day today. I took a walk around my neighborhood just enjoying the day, watching all the little ones out playing in the sunshine as their mom’s hovered close by. It’s so cute to watch people interact with their toddlers. We all try to reason and use logic and all that toddler can think is I. Want. it. Now.
As I walked I saw one of the moms shoot me an embarrassed smile as her tiny little one threw a tantrum. I smiled back, thinking how hard we all are on ourselves as mothers. We want our children to be perfect, never misbehave, be a shining example of our good parenting. It’s time we got over that.
When I first got divorced I tried so hard. I wanted to make up for everything that was wrong in Hailey’s life but I also wanted to do such a good job raising her that no one would say- if only she was raised in a two parent family, things would have been different.
That lasted about two months and then reality set in. I am not super human, I’m just a mom doing the best I can.
Why is it that we allow everyone but ourselves a learning curve. If your child doesn’t do something perfect the first time you tell them they did great and with practice, they’ll do even better. Why don’t we give ourselves the same advice?
Every day is the first time you’ve parented this child at this age. And if it’s your first child you don’t even have a bag of tricks that worked with the last one. You are just winging it and saying lots of silent prayers that you are making the right choice.
Once when Hailey was about sixteen and we seemed to argue about everything I sat her down and had a heart to heart with her. I told her I was lost, I didn’t know how to parent a teenager any more than she knew how to be a teenager. I also told her that no matter how old you get, there are times when you are still a frightened child on the inside. Someone who wants to do the right thing and get others approval.
I told her as much as I wanted her to be happy and like me, it was more important that I be her mother. Even though I had no idea what I was doing, I was making all my decisions out of love for her. I told her maybe one day we would laugh about these times.
She didn’t think it would ever be funny that she had an earlier curfew than the entire free world! I just smiled as she stomped up the steps. If she’s mad at me, I must be doing something right.