It is sometimes amazing to me how you can learn some really important things about yourself and life when going through a common activity. I never realized that my youngest son joining football would become such a learning experience that goes beyond the logistics of the game.
When my son first joined all I pictured in my mind was one happy boy who was finally getting his chance to play tackle football. I was going to be one happy mom who would go to every game and cheer him on.
Yet that picture of happiness hasn’t happened. Instead it has become something that has left my son in tears and feeling discouraged, facing some real challenges. It has also left “Mama Bear” feeling pretty angry.
The details aren’t really important. All I can say is there is a lot of unfairness and favoritism going on. I tend to be one of those people that feel really strong about doing things fairly. So when I see the opposite happening, whether it affects my family or another person, I get pretty riled up.
The interesting thing about this experience is that I have handled it in a way that is very unlike me. My usual reaction is to jump in there, get involved, have my say and make my child feel better. Yet deep in my core I knew that my son had to go through this experience and learn something from it.
It has been very painful for me to watch. No mom likes to see their child upset and discouraged. How do you explain to your child why they have to deal with a very unfair situation? There is no way to explain it.
As hard as it has been, I have kept quiet and tried to encourage my son along the way. He is very non-confrontational and prefers for me to take care of his difficult situations. He has always wanted me to be the one to “talk to the teacher” or whatever the case may be.
But he is in middle school this year and he is going to be facing situations that will be even more difficult than what he has already faced in football and I want him to be prepared. Mama Bear won’t always be there. So it’s time to retract the claws and allow my young one to fight some of his own battles.
Last Saturday I had a very proud moment as a mom. It was then I realized how important it was that I not get involved. After the game I saw him talking to his coach. They were having a pretty lengthy conversation. I was eager to hear what they had talked about.
My son was the one who stepped out of his comfort zone and talked to his coach. He shared his feelings about what was bothering him. I was so proud of him. He didn’t need me to do it. He did it himself. What I saw emerge from that was not necessarily a change in his situation but a newfound confidence within him.
Even if the situation doesn’t change, I feel like he has really learned from this experience and it will help him as a person. Sometimes we have to let our children learn and grow from those difficult moments. They have to learn how to handle things and make their own decisions. We can’t always rescue them.